Why I Believe in God

Last summer I volunteered at a special daycare center for children from troubled families. In the back they had a playground and sandbox that the children loved to play in. One day while in the sandbox with the kids, a little girl walked up (so young that she couldn’t talk yet) who seemed very hesitant to play in the sand. She stopped right at the edge of the sand and look around with trepidation. I soon realized she probably had no idea what sand was and must not have been the adventurous type. I picked up some sand and showed it to her. She hesitated, then touched it a little. After prodding at it for a few moments, I slowly poured it in front of her and grabbed some more. Her fear began to dissipate. Soon she walked slowly into the sand and began to pick up handfuls of it for herself.

I was once like that little girl. I didn’t know who I was or what the purpose of life was. It brought fear, trepidation, and sorrow into my life. Once when I was around the age of 11, while riding my bike home from a neighbor’s house, I began to cry because I wasn’t happy. I didn’t know what life was about and so I most certainly wasn’t doing anything to fulfill its purpose. Sometime thereafter I began to search for answers, for something that seemed to fulfill and teach of my purpose. I looked in many places. Prestige among friends didn’t work; video games, movies, and music didn’t work; neither did K’NEX, Legos, the great outdoors or rebellion against my parents. At last I was left with the most obvious choice, one that had been staring me in face my entire life: God.

One day I realized that there were two boys at church, who a year or two older than me, that appeared to have what I was searching for. I also noticed that they were the most faithful in following the teachings of Christ. Perhaps, then, I should do the same. At the pivotal moment in my life I also had the most excellent Sunday School teacher (who was also the father of one of the previously mentioned boys). For the first time I felt anxious to be taught. What I remember most is how frequently he exhorted us to read the scriptures and pray consistently, and that he always testified of how much it blessed his life. Eventually I decided to try it.

I wish I could remember the day that I first began, but in the end its rather insignificant. What matters is that it was the most important decision I made in my youth. I began to read the scriptures and pray every morning and then pray again at night. After realizing how much of a difference it made, I also began to read at night. Once in 8th grade I went on a day trip with my father to some convention. We got back in the early hours of the morning on the next day. We were both dead tired, but I still picked up my scriptures and read a chapter before I went to bed. My desire for truth and guidance from God was more important to me than sleep. I was only 13 then.

I didn’t do it because my parents told me to or because I was just following everyone else (for 95% of the time I spent outside of my home, there wasn’t a single Mormon present). I did it because something deep inside yearned for truth and couldn’t be satisfied with anything else. There was something beyond what the world would have me believe. I felt it when I knelt down and prayed to God, when I peacefully studied the scriptures in the seclusion of my own room, when I listened attentively to things I was taught at church, and when I obeyed the commandments of God. It was as though God were picking up handfuls of sand and teaching me.

“This is who you are...”
“This is who I am...”
“This is your purpose...”
“This is what you should do...”

There have been times since then that I consciously choose to take a path against the counsel of God. I have regretted it every time. He is the only one whose answers have never failed me.

I am reminded of the hymn “When Faith Endures.”

I will not doubt, I will not fear;
God’s love and strength are always near.
His promised gift helps me to find
An inner strength and peace of mind.
I give the Father willingly
My trust, my prayers, humility.
His Spirit guides; his love assures
That fear departs when faith endures.

Today, my prayers are still answered, my wisdom continues to increase, my happiness is at greater levels than it has ever been in my life, and I am convinced more each day of God’s existence.

I know God lives.